Shitstyle

Someone has made the mistake of handing Shaquille O'Neal a microphone and a beat. The former rap master extemporized a zany, aggressive diatribe targeting Kobe Bryant during an impromptu freestyle session.

Fashioned around the urgent frolic of pop chorus, "Kobe...tell me how my ass taste", Shaq's procrustean club flow has many wondering if their current goodwill is mere facade for a puerile animosity thought forgotten. Reminds me of Barack and Hillary. You figure who's who.

O'Neal says he was only kidding around.

"I was freestyling. That's all. It was all done in fun. Nothing serious whatsoever. That is what MC's do. They freestyle when called upon. I'm totally cool with Kobe. No issue at all. And by the way, don't forget, six albums, two platinum, two gold. Anybody who knows me knows I'm a funny freestyler. Check the NBA DVD when I was rapping about Vlade Divac during my first championship run. Please tell everybody don't make something out of nothing."

Nothing sounds like a traffic jam of awkward, clunky concepts delivered with Andre the Giant-type gusto. Only more monotonous. And boorish. O'Neal's hiatus from classic album noise, Shaq Diesel and Shaq Fu: Da Return, has proved flagrant detriment to big fella's current microphone skillz.

Oh wait. He always fucking sucked.