No one Ever Really Dies

Karl came into my life as a stepfather, and he left it as a father.

When the chaplain asked if anyone would like to share something about Karl, that was my first response, followed by a monologue that, though brief, rambled tearfully through more than 20 years of a very difficult relationship.

Ours was not unlike those between other stepfathers and stepsons. We fought. We resisted. We tolerated a bond neither one of us much wanted.

We remained in a consistent dispute, at times brutally at odds, for the better part of 20 years.

Still, in spite of the pain, the handful of times where we happily co-existed, those are the moments that will define who Karl was to me. I shared those memories with my mom, sister and brother, and everyone else there who at some point had witnessed our rivalry. I felt as if they needed to hear it. But mostly, I just needed to say it.

Like most trips one makes down memory lane, especially during a funeral, mine was completely heartfelt, severely unstructured and entirely robbing from the precision of my initial statement about Karl. However, forming a narrative from one memory to next, as out of order as it was, was precisely the best way to honor him.

I spoke of the times Karl took me to the movies. Even as a child, I obsessed myself with cinema. Karl knew that, and despite my age, indulged my affinity for R-rated action where the hero often blurs the line between vigilante and comedian. Though, as I was quick to remark, Karl had an incredible knack for finding the moral code that motivated these men. And he made certain I saw it too.

So as tribute, whether you knew him or not, consider the above film as a reminder of Karl's worth.

In the Searchers, John Wayne hunts a tribe of Comanche responsible for the death of his only family, save for the niece whom they now hold as their own, and the part-Cherokee nephew, along riding shotgun, Wayne refuses to acknowledge as his kin.

Normally, you wouldn’t choose the final scene as an excerpt because not everyone has necessarily seen the entire film. But for those of us who knew Karl, I’m not spoiling anything.